Do you remember when you were a kid and you thought the clouds were the heavens? Well I thought that when I was a youngster. I use to want to fly up and see certain people even dogs that passed away while I was growing up. I was thinking about that when I was flying home today. The clouds looked so heavenly, white, puffy, with the sun shining in just right to make them look like they glowed. I thought about how nice it would be if that were true. God what I wouldn't have paid for it to be. For a moment I even found myself searching for Brian. He wasn't there.
Loosing someone is probably the hardest thing someone can go through whether it be final, like death, or just loosing them through choices we make. The finality of death is what I think makes it worse. No matter how much you plea, how many times you call their cell phone, how many times you walk into a familiar place...they wont be there. You can absolutely never in your lifetime see, talk to, or touch them again.
Brian use to go on business trips all the time and we even did the whole long distance thing for a year and a half. I remember aching to see him again or even to get a phone call from him. I don't remember it hurting this bad. Maybe it is because then I knew we would have the reunion. You know where you see someone you haven't seen in a while and you literally leap within yourself with joy and can't wait till you can wrap your arms around them and kiss them as if it was your first time. I guess I will get my reunion...but I will have to wait many years upon years for that.
Oh, if only the clouds were really the heavens.
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