November 22, 2008 - Happy New Year

I can safely say that pretty much all of the world celebrates New Years on January 1st, but today I am celebrating my New Year. One year has passed since Brian was taken from this world and I can honestly say that I am relieved that it is over. I have been through so much this past year...lawyers, financial advisors, intersil hr, health insurance, the estate, learning more than I would ever want to know about the process of handling life after someone passes. I have had my fair share of really bad days and uplifting days. Luckily I was surrounded by my family who is the most supportive and loving family anyone can ask for and friends who truely know what it is to be a friend, hold me up and sometimes carrying me when I needed to be.

Now that all of that is said and done I have had the chance to reflect on my life as a whole, who I am, who I was, and who I want to be.

I realized that before Brian passed I was weak, I depended on him for almost everything...he was my rock. Every decision I made I passed by him since I was 18. I didnt appreciate the things I had in my life as much as I should have and took them for granted. I was nieve and at times childish.

Now I am much stronger. I am independant but not prideful. I know when to say when and when to push through. I know what I want in life and what I need to do to achieve it. I am a more patient mother. And most importantly I dont sweat the small stuff.

I have also realized that it is okay to be happy and move forward with my life. Not to forget what I went through this past year, what I didnt like about myself before Brian passed, and most importantly never ever forget Brian and the great love that we shared. I know I atleast deserve what we had in my next partner if not more.

Lastly I have forgiven God for taking Brian from me. My faith is something that I struggled with for a very long time after he took Brian from me. Now I am looking forward and realizing that God has given me the tools I needed to get through the hard times and has blessed me with a few unexpected events. I am a true believer that everything happens for a reason. Why he needed Brian so soon, I dont know? But I do know that he couldnt have picked a better angel. He has also put people in my life that I needed more than I would have ever thought, and when I was in need of a sign he gave it to me. And he also gave me Brian although it was short lived, he loved me more than I ever thought possible by someone.