So I thought I was doing really good and then all of a sudden I keep on having these dreams about Brian. Along with it this very disturbing feeling that something horrible is about to happen has come over me. I had this same feeling for about 2 months before Brian passed, it was like i knew something tragic was going to happen but I didnt know what. So now that I am having that feeling again I am in a panic. Is it because this was the time last year that I started having this feeling? Is it because of the fast approaching anniversary of his death coming up? I dont know, it is just very unnerving.
These dreams are upsetting too. They all have Brian somehow coming back to life with me knowing how to save him and then in the end I couldn't save him and he dies all over again. In between the whole him being alive and then dieing, he is upset that I have moved his clothes out of our closet. He is always confused on why I felt the need to move things or get rid of things.
I thought all of this was over with, I thought that I could start moving on with my life. Why have all the nice dreams of Brian and me talking and holding eachother ended and all the upsetting dreams of Brian started again?
With these dreams and the feeling I have that something is going to go wrong, I have started the whole crying myself to sleep everynight and waking up in a bed full of tissues again. I dont want to go back there, it is too dark of a place to be. Please God heal me from this pain. I cant take it anymore!
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Holy cow Brooke! I've been having those same types of dreams lately about Steve!
ReplyDeleteThose dreams are the worst. I also have had dreams where he comes back because he faked his death and wants nothing to do with me. He won't talk to me. It is so frustrating and upsetting in the dreams. Then when I wake up I am all mad because I just wanted to talk to him.
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