So it is getting close to the end of the day. Although I am exhausted I feel another sleepless night is ahead of me. Last night, well really it was early this morning, I just laid there thinking of it all. The first time we met, our first fight, how he use to make me laugh, oh and that smirk he use to give me from across the room when we were in a crowd of people to let me know i was on his mind. Then those thoughts went to our wedding day and how amazingly happy he looked while i walked down the aisle.
I never thought i would finally have something like that. I wanted it so badly but never felt it would really happen. It did. I had something some people may never have in there life. I had a man who truely loved me with every fiber of his being. He fought for me and believed in me even when I didn't. He not only made me feel beautiful from the inside out but made me believe it too.
The irony of it all is I use to make him promise he would never leave me all the time, even after we were married, up until a few days before he was taken from me. I was finally happy and I was so afraid that it was going to be taken away from me. He told me he would never leave me and that he would always be here loving me. Crazy huh. What is even crazier is that a few months before he passed I had this horrible nagging feeling inside my gut that something horrible was going to happen. I would cry histerically (sp) about how I was so scared that something was going to happen. Now I cry because something horrible did happen. Man what I would give for that feeling that I had to of been wrong.
So, Brian, Happy Anniversary. I am who I am because of you. You have made me stronger in ways that I could never explain. You have taught me more about life and myself than I probably would have learned in a lifetime. You made my heart feel whole and gave me a real purpose in life. I am better because you loved me. I just hope that you dont have any regrets about anything and I hope to God that you felt loved beyond compare, because you were, are, and always will be.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment