So everyone has their crew. The people that you hang out with on a regular basis. I have a crew, well I have two separate ones I guess.
I have the crew which pretty much consists of couples that Brian and I did everything with. Watched football games on Sundays, BBQs, dinner parties, double dates. Pretty much anything you can think of.
Then the crew of my girls. You know the girlfriends that you hang out with every once in a while, go shopping with, gossip with, and you know you are always going to have a blast with them even if it is just a Sex in the City Marathon.
So both of my crews had christmas parties last night. I decided it would be perfect to bring tim with me so everyone can meet him. The first party we went to was the first crew I mentioned. I hate to admit it but it was very uncomfortable, for once in my life I felt like I didnt fit in. I have been feeling like that for a little while now. Since now I dont have Brian with me it is like I am not part of it all anymore. Yes I get invites and they ask me if I need anything, but when it comes down to the feeling I had when Brian was alive it isn't there.
Then the next party was the second crew I mentioned. They welcomed tim with open arms pretty much and we had a blast laughing and talking and people actually were genuily interested in him and us.
I have been thinking a lot about last night today. Especially since I saw one of my friends posted a picture of all of our friends...except me. Looking at it made me realize that maybe I am not really part of the crew anymore. What makes me feel that way even more than anything is the fact that my best friend is part of that crew and she hasn't been very welcoming to me dating...she says she is supportive but actions speek a whole lot louder than words.
It kind of makes you wonder where you really fit in. I know I have changed a lot since Brian has passed but it was all good changes. It made me grow up a lot. Which considering that group is pretty much people in their thirties I would consider that to work to my advantage. But without Brian I dont fit in I dont think, at least that is how I feel.
Maybe it is all in my head, I dont know. Maybe it is just wierd for me so it makes me think it is wierd for them. It just sucks because Tim is really a great guy and he makes me really happy. I know he would get along great with both crews but one seems to be a little more welcoming than the other. Maybe it will just take some time for them to warm up to seeing me with someone else. I know it is probably hard for them but I just hope they can imagine how hard it might be for me.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
My family and friends had problems when I started to date my now husband 9 months after my 1st husband died. I was 33 when I was widowed with 3 children.
ReplyDeleteWe are now celebrating our fifth anniversary next month. I find that some people worry that I will forget my first love..(and so if they die maybe their loved ones will forget them)..So many just don't understand that love never dies.
I know that my late husband would get along great with my current husband and be so grateful that he is such a good and loving father to his children - and who lets the children tell stories of their 'Daddy in heaven'. If It was me in heaven I'd want my children to always remember me but to have someone on earth to respectfully fulfill the role i could not.